So, I'm still alive only, I'm not sure anyone reads here anymore. Oh well- faceless internets: I got married.
Crazy shit.

It rained on Halloween...it's the first rain in a long time and as I sit cozy on my brand new couch with the rain pouring outside, life ain't bad.

I got my wedding dress in. When I went home last time my mother and two of my bridesmaids forced me to try it on. I'm very happy with it.


Please ignore my mother yelling at my friend for eating too many crackers and "ruining her dinner."

Tim and I are also trying to plan the honeymoon- well, trying to figure out what the hell we want to do. Europe cruise? Hawaii cruise? Mexico cruise? WWII Allied Invasion tour? Two weeks in Paris or London? Not sure... It's a little early for most websites that book vacations, I guess that means we have time!

I also got a new job- a permanent position with the Ca Prison Health Care Services department. It's fab because they aren't subject to a hiring freeze or salary stagnation and the Receiver does whatever he wants. It's also great because they want to make me an analyst which is a significant pay jump so that will be fab.

I'm also going to Thailand in January. A couple of researchers my mother knows are going to study women's prisons and meet the princess, they asked if I wanted to go so I said heck yes! I'm very excited.

Republicans baffle me. Honestly, even if you have to pay 50% in taxes, 50% of ten million dollars is still enough to maintain the army of poor who wipe your ass after you shit. You'll still be able to be that crusty, rich guy asking your neighboring Limo for some Grey Pupon, you WON'T be turned out to the streets if you have to pay extra taxes when you're in the top 5%.
I don't understand, if you can help people, why the FUCK wouldn't you!? WHY? Why the hell wouldn't you give even a teeeeensy bit of what you have to help keep some sick person from dying on the street because they never even had a chance at affording health care?? Why the HELL would you allow mentally ill soldiers continue to be homeless when a little bit of help could get them back on their feet.
WHY would you focus your efforts on pointless shit like trying to make sure homosexuals can't marry? You really can't think of ANYTHING other than people's romantic decisions that may be a little more important??!? You honestly cannot let people just be what they want to be when they aren't hurting anyone?? You really think that disallowing children proper, comprehensive sex education is the right decision when telling them about a condom from the beginning could reduce the need for abortions alltogether????

Why do these people continue to refuse to acknowledge that poor people are PEOPLE too!? Why should a tax bracket determine humanity enough to care about something???

WHY?
WHY?
WHY?

What kind of shitty parents did you have that didn't teach you that every person is worthy of being treated like a person simply because they were born, not born to money, not born to power, but because they exist!?
What's wrong with people!?

There is no god, there is no afterlife.... ALL you have is what you have and when you die, you better be ready to accept this fact: if you haven't done everything you can to help the people around you, you have FAILED.

A month or two ago I submitted some old poems to the "poet's corner" at the Sacramento News and Review. I never even got a confirmation that the editor even got my mail so I figured I wasn't good enough or they were lost to the ether.
Well, I was wrong. While flipping thru this week's edition, I noticed a familiar word...it was my poem! Woo. I got published- and not in one of those "anthology" things!

Here is the online link. I didn't expect this one to get picked- I wrote it a while ago. In about 2002 just before I got sick for the first time. Anyway, I was excited.

Hey look at me all alive and shit!

So, I gradiated...got me a BA in Anthropology. One of my professors is currently helping me design a grad school application so I can have a fabulous app and totally get in. Woo.

I went back and read some old entries and I deleted them. I feel like this was the right thing to do because, while the anger I felt at the time was real, I no longer feel it and I'd hate for that to be out there. Anger is poisonous, it's unfortunate.

I'm currently sucking up books now that I don't have academia to read. I'm on the third book of the Golden Compass series (really good.) I recently finished Good Omens by Pratchett and Gaiman and Stardust and American Gods by Gaiman (if you never read anything but American Gods again, you'll live a good life.) Currently, I'm also reading Stiff By Mary Roach and House of Mourning: A Biocultural History of the Mountain Meadows Massacre. I love a good massacre!

Oh, and Tim and I have set a date- October 11, 2009. We always knew October was the month it's both our favorites. The 11 is perfect because we'll be getting married down south and it's just before a Monday holiday and will allow my Northern guests an extra day they won't have to take off. I'm very excited. I also bought a dress...
The pic below is not the exact dress but it's very similar (mine has a sweetheart neckline and some beading on the top) but it's most definitely the color! Ignore the look on my face and the sad state of my hair- I wasn't feeling well.
(Click for larger.)

I think I may have mentioned Grad School in a previous post, but I was initially worried that I wasn't going to be able to afford it. Last night, I was able to file my FAFSA under only me and not my parents for the first time ever. In the past, I have never gotten a single dollar in financial aid. My Expected Family Contribution under my parents was $40,000, which is ridiculous because we couldn't afford that. The other night when I filed, I was told my EFC is $430! From 40K to 400, I was so happy. This means that, like all other recently Bachelor'd post-grad students who totally don't know what they want to do for a living, I'm going to apply to grad school!
WOO.

I'm going to apply to Sac State because it's close and I'm sick of Davis. I'll apply to any other close schools, but I'm not sure there are any. I also have to take the GREs so I guess I better start studying! Especially if there's math, which is so not my thing.

Reasons I can tell the Zoloft is working:
+ I take out the garbage instead of letting it pile up in the kitchen for a couple weeks.
+ I put my clean laundry away instead of piling it on the bed.
+ I wash the dishes.
+ I make myself food that involves more than forking a slit in the plastic above the veggies and pressing the "cook" button on the microwave.
+ I spend money on myself.
+ I get up early enough to look nice for work.
+ I'm in love *cue Disney-esque tune and Cinderella type birdies*
+ I leave the house voluntarily.
+ I exercise.

+ I neglect my livejournal.

It's amazing how quickly things change. I met someone new, he's amazing and I'm more happy than I've been in a long time.

I haven't felt like this for anyone in years, I almost forgot what it's like to really like someone.

I think I'm lonely. I need more friends who are willing to do stuff with me.

I am absolutely and totally and completely depressed. I got a new prescription today and I can start taking it Saturday. I really hope it starts working because at this point I'm apathetic and feel awful.


I hate commercials, do they think that drivel is going to make me buy any of that crap??